Riots over the Disparity between East and West

Riots have broken out in many major US cities following the release of yet another unbalanced set of standings between the Eastern and Western Conferences in what analysts say have been the worst riots since Rodney King's murderers walked free in the early 90s.

It seems that millions of Americans are clamouring for a system like this one.



"The Wiz are pushing for the Playoffs on 30 wins in the East!" one woman screamed as this reporter dodged bullets and molotov cocktails. "...and the Suns are bottom of the West only one win behind that!" bellowed a frustrated Asian shopkeeper fending for his life against a volley of tear gas.



Commissioner David Stern's evil plans have meant that the dictator commissioner is set to step down in January, to be followed by new commissioner Adam Silver. Silver's freakin' awesome plan to make the league more interesting and competitive will be implemented next season in hopes that fan vitriol can be quelled just long enough to avoid another injury to Derrick Rose.